I usually have no idea what I'm going to write about on this thing until right before I sit down and write. This one entry has been walking around in my head for weeks. Weeks! It made me anxious just thinking about it. You'll see how crazy that is in a second.
My Mother wasn't much different in some ways. She is the daughter of a preacher and was raised in a church. She married my father when she was pretty young and was a stay at home Mother for years. She was pretty strict about some things although a little more lenient than my Dad. Oh and when she didn't want to deal with it or just didn't want to be the bad guy she would send us to ask our Dad. I'm pretty sure she knew he would say no. I was grown before I picked up on that little trick. As kids we were pretty sheltered. Similar to her parents she also raised us in a church. House rules were if you went to sleep in her house on Saturday you went to church on Sunday.
My parents are the first factor in this tale. The second factor is the Ankylosing spondylitis. The AS showed up right after high school. Over twenty years with AS and there has been some disfigurement and two major surgeries. The disfigurement is enough that strangers know that something is different and the surgery scars are pretty long. I would say that conservative, religious parents and a disfiguring disability that showed up during identify development has restricted me.
Last summer I bought my first two piece suit. I can't call it a bikini because the bottom is a skirted but it has a halter top and there is exposed skin. A whole belly of exposed skin.
Note that I said I bought this suit last year. Then while we are reviewing, also note that I said that writing about it makes me anxious. No, what I really said was that the thought of writing about it makes me anxious. So I've been looking at it and talking about for almost a year. This summer I'm wearing that suit! I've been on my exercise bike almost every day since December looking for my abdominal muscles. Last year a friend suggested I wear it around my hotel room (since I took it on a trip yet never took it out of the suitcase). This year a different friend suggested I wear it around the house (since I moved it from the suitcase to the drawer where it lived the rest of the summer). I haven't done either of these suggestions, although I did move it to another suitcase last week.
I pride myself in being daring and adventurous. I like to think that I live outside of the box. I color outside of the lines. I believe rules were made to be broken and things like speed limits are just mere suggestions. Yet, I'm scared of a two piece swimsuit. I have no idea what I think will happen. The whole world will point and laugh? My Dad will drive three hours to tell me to cover up? Like anyone really cares. At my age I don't think my father even cares. So why do I? This summer I'm wearing that suit! This summer I'm wearing that suit. This summer I'm wearing that suit.